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Eurovision 2009: Netherlands

May 3, 2009

READ REVIEWS: Semi-Final One | Semi-Final Two | Grand Final



The Toppers turned in a reliable performance this evening in that they turned in a show which left me and my husband (who hadn’t heard it until this evening) feeling quite, quite unwell. Yes, I’m sorry you lovely lovely people in the Netherlands … The Toppers didn’t go down well in South East London.

There was a moment when I thought my other half was quite enjoying it .. but really. This wasn’t good.

Don’t let that influence your decision making process over who to vote for on Saturday night however. (Please).



A slightly different angle on a rehearsal and I arrive at a slightly different conclusion about the Netherlands’ three minutes of vomit-inducing positivity. I’m still screaming in agony when I get to the line “Love will make us glow in the dark” as it’s never made me glow in the dark and I hope it never will. And I’m also thinking that the lights on the hands are a fundamental error of artistic judgement.

Whilst I’m hesistant about going the whole hog and putting this on a reserve list in case it does go through to the final and ends up trouncing everyone, I am impressed with the close harmonies. It’s tricky to pull that kind of harmony off in a live environment and there aren’t any moments where the singing is needing attention. Listen out for the lady at the end whose top note delivers on the promise of the whole song.

I still don’t like it but they do execute it well. I’d probably like it more if the costumes were different but frankly, it doesn’t matter how many pyrotechnics you throw at it, it’s still quite cheesy.


Oh dear God. Someone get me to a darkened room, preferrably padded and for goodness sake make sure The Toppers aren’t in there with me. If they are all of them (including, now, the backing singer) may suffer an agonising death which noone else will hear.

What is going on ? I thought the silver jackets and figure hugging white t-shirts were bad enough, but now they’re donning those jackets actors where when animation studios are filming for the latest cartoon movie. Either that or they’re planning on bringing aircraft into land. Long before we get on to the thorny issue of the actual singing, I’m a little lost about the backing singer now masquerading as an usherette with an ice cream tray hanging around her neck. Or is it meant to be a portable turntable? Either way it doesn’t really work and leaves me thinking that this maybe the Netherlands’ Scooch/Jemini moment.

Naturally, I wouldn’t want this to influence a vote against the UK from the Netherlands. I do rather like the Netherlands. A handful of my best friends are Dutch (well, actually, that’s a lie) but the truth is that I don’t like it one bit. And on that basis it will probably go through, won’t it?


That opening chorus sounds like something else doesn’t it? And those silver jackets? What are those about? And the tight fitting t-shirts. Who thought they were a good idea? Surely those guys are being ironic, aren’t they? And, if they were to agree to an interview with me what are the odds they’d ask the only question I’d want answering: who came up with the idea for the lights in your hands?

I’m not entirely sure how this particular moment in Eurovision happened. What on earth happened in the Netherlands exactly? Was everyone out the night the TV company decided on which song would represent the country?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure they’re all nice enough people. (The backing singers especially who do genuinely look fantastic.) However, having ploughed through all the songs in both semi-finals I do rather feel as though this one comes bottom of the pile. A poor end to a marathon reviewing effort.

[Sometimes dismissive Thoroughly Good reviews of all other songs available here.]

One Comment
  1. Chris permalink

    This is another one I resent because it ought to be so much better than it is. They could have put together a real high camp singalong song that would put everyone in a positive mood….. oh, they have. So why do I dislike it so?

    It’s just lame.

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