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The diet love, the diet

May 27, 2009

Me and a pal caught up for a natter in the canteen this lunchtime. It’s a regular thing where we share gossip from our respective departments and find out what we’re both working on.

Things didn’t necessarily get off to a particularly good start. My attire was the first unexpected question she demanded an answer to.

“You’re not normally dressed quite so … how shall I put it? Dowdily.”

She was referring to my tracksuit bottoms still tucked into my socks and my practical Fat Face top. It didn’t befit the general media “look” found in the BBC environs.

I regailed her of the observation I made only the day before where one member of staff with a sickeningly thin waist emphasised by a predictable underwear waistband jutting out above his belt had pushed me over the edge. I explained how this had helped my resolve to engage in a health kick.

“But you’re not fat Jon.”

Sensing I was about to ridiculed, I hitched up my t-shirt and top to reveal the emerging muffin top spilling out over my probably too small cycling gear. I pinched considerably more than an inch (probably closer to three) and wobbled it about a bit.

“So?” she replied hitching up her own top and doing the same with what little skin stretched over her waist, “I had to push my tyre into a small pair of jeans at the weekend. I was distraught.”

I couldn’t really see a worse comparison and opted to take the well-meant if ill-judged reassurance.

“So what are you going to do about it?” she asked once we’d both restored our clothes to their former position.

“I cycled in today,” I replied. “Catford to Clapham Junction. Then the train to Shepherds Bush. 8 miles I think.”

I figured this might impress her. “Exercise means nothing unless you’re on a decent diet and eating properly. That’s probably what the problem is. Get some fat burner pills off the internet. That should do the trick.”

“Wasn’t that nothing more than speed?” I asked her before pointing out I’d gone alcohol free the night before and intended to do so until Saturday at which point I would decide whether I wanted any.

“Try Graze. They deliver stuff you can .. well … graze on all day which is supposed to be more healthy.”

We did talk about other things but I’ll confess was on getting lunch. Something purporting to be turkey breast from Tesco on a Ryvita topped with cottage cheese. And I’m cycling home too.

I reckon I could lose a stone in a month if I kept that up. Question is, do I really want to?

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