Deal with the anger in the morning
It’s 5.00am. I’m not usually up at this hour. But I can’t sleep. I toss and turn in bed for a while before abandoning all hope of getting back to sleep. I slide out of bed, wrap the dressing gown around me, tie it around my waist and head into the den – our upstairs hideaway.
I love this time of the day. The fridge kicks in downstairs with a distant purr. The first planes of the day rumble overhead. Fan belts slip in the street. I can hear one of our cats reposition himself on the bean bag in the corner of the room.
It’s all really rather reassuring. It is the perfect time of the day to deal with stuff.
I run over a few key points in my head after yesterday’s bizarre holding-the-mirror-up-to-oneself exercise. The points – jumbled here as they were in my head at the time – are summarised below:
- Twitter is becoming a pain in the arse.
- There seems to be an influx of people on Twitter who are making relative old-timers like me roll my eyes with disdain. These newcomers are like the kids in the year below who’ve recently joined the middle school. For those of us for whom superiority masked as maturity exudes from every pore, these newcomers are a tiresome irritation.
- I’m not entirely sure why I’m using Twitter.
- A lot of the problems I experience on a day to day basis can be traced back to Twitter. If I was paying to use Twitter I’d probably have cancelled my subscription months ago. It’s free. It’s like a drug. Damn Twitter.
- A lot of the time I spend on the internet is devoted to Twitter. It would be nice to devote some time to something more worthy like knitting, crochet or (shock horror) reading a book.
- Twitter is a micro-blogging system. That’s all. This is a shame. As real-life exists in the front room in the form of a partner, two cats and the retro-entertainment of radio or television.
- Twitter is hindering my day to day existence.
- I hate the TweetDeck logo. If I see that fucking bird again I may throw my precious MacBook out of the window.
- Twitter – and social media in general – appears to make me angry a lot of the time. My short fuse has been even shorter in recent weeks and has been as difficult to handle as a cigarette burning close to the filter.
I do so like the early mornings. So much productive thinking can be done during the early mornings. Even blog posts can be spat out reasonably efficiently too.
I trot downstairs, flick the central heating on and turn on Radio 3. My issues with Radio 3 must be over, I think to myself. It’s Through The Night. You know it’s still early when Through the Night is still on. Radio 3 hasn’t really started the day yet. It’s still quite early for them.
It’s still too early to get dressed and go to work. If I left now I’d get to work at 7.30am, maybe even earlier. I might be committed to my job but I think that is just a little bit too early to get in. If there’s no-one else there how else would anyone know I’d got in early? What would be the point?
Keen to do something to occupy my mind as I wait for the sky to lighten a bit, I set up the ironing board.
I start ironing out the creases on a shirt. This will be my shirt for the day. Collars and cuffs. Arms and fronts. Then the back.
It’s a reassuring process. Get the simple, straightforward things done first. Everything else will follow naturally.
And as I peel the starched shirt off the ironing board, I surprise myself by speaking out loud for the first time today. “Could I get through today and not get angry or irritated by anything?”
Do other people manage it? Surely some people do. And if they do, surely I can.
Probably best I don’t use Twitter.